The way I see it, there are two ways to work as an academic.
In way 1, I am anxious and agitated. I have tunnel vision. I am self-focused. There’s a constant heaviness in my chest and a lump in my throat. I am doing-doing-doing, like a hamster in a wheel running a race to nowhere. I think, “I just want to get this done“. I want to reach the end of that friggin’ tunnel so I can move on and get another tick in a checkbox and another notch on my CV. Way 1 is exhausting. It’s driven by fear. A fear of scarcity, defined by Dr. Brene Brown as “not enough”. Not smart enough, not accomplished enough, not successful enough. Not doing enough. I have DO more so that I can BE enough. (Let’s think about that critically, shall we?)
In way 2, I am joyful and light. I am inspired. Things flow easily. There’s a feeling of exhilaration at those moments when ideas come together. I am working hard but I am also playing hard. There are challenges. I do get stuck and more than once, feel like giving up. There are days I can’t wait to get to play/work and other days where sitting down at my desk to create something out of nothing feels like the hardest thing to do. But, in way 2, life is always interesting. There’s something new to chew on, a curious puzzle I can’t quite solve yet.
In Rob Bell’s book “How to be here”, he talks about the difference between “craft” and “success”.
Bell writes: “While SUCCESS asks ‘What more can I get?’….
CRAFT says ‘Can you believe I get to do this?'”
Writing this post was inspired by recent conversations I had with high-ranking academics who on the outside, looked like they “made it”. On the inside, they shared a story of exhaustion, burnout, emptiness, looking back and feeling like “What was it all for?”
I know that Way 1 will get me results (a certain kind of result, anyway). This was my default for years. The training I learned as a child of hardworking Asian immigrants. But, at what cost and for how long?
I keep Bell’s quote near my desk. At eye-level. Always in my view. It is something I don’t ever want to forget, because I know how easily and imperceptibly I can slip back into Way 1. So – this post is for you, dear reader — whether you an aspiring academic or established industry mogul — but, mostly this post for me. So that Future Me, will read this, and remember what matters.
The human condition 